Before I will start with my own elaborations, I want to quote from a mail I have received from a female reader, Anna.

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You certainly have an amazing website, although I cannot decide if you are for real. You mentioned wanting women's input about orgasm. I am more than happy to answer any questions you may have, and I have quite a few questions myself which I've not really been able to find answers to.

You ask about clitoral vs vaginal orgasm. But I never understand what they mean by this. Is it a clitoral orgasm if the man has touched your clitoris with his hand before you have intercourse? I have never been able to have an orgasm with a man's hand there during intercourse, as I find it distracting and annoying!

I have always had orgasms. I masturbated since age 3 or 4. I had sex for the first time at barely 14, and had an orgasm the first time. We didn't know a lot about foreplay, although nipple stimulation is the best way to get me hot, even more than clitoral stimulation. Doing both is really best, tho.

The orgasms I have during sex are clitoral because I use a combination of squeezing my own muscles and rubbing on something. That is, only in certain positions can I have an orgasm. I have to be facing the man and have contact. The clitoral stimulation is indirect. Thus, I can never have an orgasm in rear-entry position.

But this brings me to one of my questions. I find deep penetration, with fast thrusting, to be pleasurable in a mind-blowing way, and yet it will never give me an orgasm. Rear entry gives the best sensation. It is as though there are two entirely separate routes of pleasure. Or, perhaps I have simply not learned to have a G-spot or other deep orgasm that this type of stimulation brings. I have also never figured out how to have multiple orgasms. The regular orgasms are like scratching an itch, but the other type of stimulation makes me gasp and brings the pleasure to my fingertips, reorganizing my brain and fixing everything!

Hah! Those feminists who say women don't need the penis. It is your penis that makes you a god.

I noticed you say Size matters, and technique a distant 4th. This really got my attention, because it's quite true. My first husband was a terrible premature ejaculator, but if I was ready to orgasm before he started, I could come very quickly. I was with a man with erectile difficulty but his penis was thick. I was very close to coming with him in a very short time, but his erection had a tendency to wilt with movement! Nonetheless, it was very easy to orgasm with him - meaning I was right close.

Now the man I am with (he's 47) has more stamina than any other man I've been with, and after I come he always continues a long time with deep, fast thrusting in various positions, and this is one main reason I like him so much. His penis is not small, in fact we've measured it (he is completely unaware of my thoughts on this issue - men just like to measure their dicks) and it is very slightly larger than average. But I am pretty sure it is smaller than the 2 or 3 main men I've been with. (I've slept with lots of men but mostly it's not memorable.) It seems to me that a rather tiny difference in size is critical, at least for me.

By the way he said his wife would make him stop almost immediately after she came, (even if he hadn't!) whereas I can enjoy it until fatigue sets in. Is this normal for women to want to stop?

So what to do? It took a real long time to come with him. I bought a kegelmaster, and if you are unaware of these products, buddy, you need to get with it! Sadly, however, I am so far unable to achieve the great results of the testimonials. My vaginal muscles are certainly stronger and tighter, and I certainly can come quicker now. But it is still a bit more difficult to come with him than it was with my husband, who was certainly not huge, just a bit bigger. I've also been with a couple of men who were on the small side, and I just couldn't orgasm.

It makes sense that if Size matters, vaginal size/strength/tightness is at least as important, if not more so (being much more easily remedied). Because I am intrigued by the fact that most women cannot come through intercourse, I am naturally wondering if size is the issue. Yet I do not think I have a small vagina. In the dentist's office last week, I came across a big survey in a women's mag. About 86% of the women agreed that "It's not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean." But get this - only 43% of their respondents said they had orgasm from the penis alone. So how in the hell can these women know if size is important if they are not having orgasms from the penis? Or have they had sex with big men and it didn't help? Or have they had so few partners that they are not qualified to answer? What gives?

No sense going on when I don't know if you'll answer. Naturally, the idea of working on penis size ought to be appealing, but I am highly skeptical of doing anything other than damage. Also, when these sites talk about "several inches" I know that is absurd. 1/2 inch would be miraculous and quite sufficient. But I don't even know that length makes as much difference as width.

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I find Anna's input very interesting. And it is honest. It is more honest than what she tells the men she's with. And it's much more honest than what usually is published on the topic.

Published opinion on why a man is concerned with the size of his penis or the quality of his erections normally is fake and synthetic. Published opinion considers such concerns vain and egoistic... and published opinion couldn't be further off the mark.

Men who are egoistic in the sense that they only care about their own orgasm when engaging in sexual intercourse do not need large penises or better erections. Perfect orgasms can happen well with small penises and weak erections.

Men who are egoistic in the sense that they only look for opportunities to offload are also more likely to look for a variety of partners whom they only meet once or a few times. They don't bind emotionally to these partners, and as they don't plan to meet them again and again, they typically don't care so much about their appearance and performance. The focus is on offloading themselves.

Men concerned with the size of their penises and the quality of their erections usually are engaged in a steady relationship or a relationship based on love. They are concerned with penis size and the quality of their erections for two reasons. First, they want to impress their partners; second, they believe that penis size and the quality of their erections is important to their partners. Both reasons are the opposite of egoistic.

Men who want to impress their partners with the quality of their erections essentially want to be loved and respected by their partners. While there are obviously other ways to a woman's heart, apart from impressing her with a big penis, many men have a hard time to imagine that their female partners can sufficiently respect them if they are a failure in the virility department. Men prefer to be loved as men, not as nice guys.

The other reason is that men are concerned with the appearance of their vital organ and the quality of their erections because they are of the opinion, or have learned, that size matters.

Men want to be loved by their partners. (We are obviously aware that partners may be women or men. We are not prejudiced as far as a gay lifestyle is concerned but nevertheless focus on heterosexual relationships as this author can only think with a heterosexually wired brain.)

Men want to be loved by their partners, not only because being loved opens doors to sexual outlets but also because being loved is important to the understanding a man has of himself, to his sense of identity. Men often wonder what it takes to make women love them. It's an extremely complex issue, and men can spend a lifetime pondering it, without ever getting to a definite answer.

Of course, not all women are the same. Nevertheless, women among themselves are similar enough to each other that it must be possible to formulate some kind of rough guidelines. Or so men think. Finding answers is, of course, made complicated by the fact that women collectively seldom tell men honestly what they think (the above quote is an exception). What is presented as a woman's own thinking always also is a tool by which women attempt to manipulate men. This applies the other way around as well. Men don't tell their lovers honestly what they think. This is the case because by what one presents as own thought, one can influence the emotions and actions of one's partner. Men can torture women who love them by telling them that they are never really satisfied by them, either because of matters of technique, or because their fantasies are set on other targets.

So, what makes a specific women love a particular man. First of all, it depends, of course, on what the woman is looking for. If she is looking for sexual satisfaction, her eyes will be searching for other attributes than if she looks for a marriage partner.

Most men would prefer to be loved for their potential as source of sexual satisfaction. This is one reason why they are concerned with the size of their penises. Many men even find it degrading to be loved because they make good husbands. This smacks of being willing to do the dishes and putting the whole income to the disposal of the wife.

Most men would like to be loved as if they were sexually desired heroes for whom women cry at night because they desire to be embraced and penetrated by him. And for a hero, a small penis and a weak erection just seems funny… a mental association that totally jeopardizes the image a man wants to project.

For all the above reasons, I find it normal and natural that men are concerned with penis size and erection quality, and that they are eager to undertake measures to improve their parameters.

There are a number of options.

For many men, yohimbine, the pharmaceutical, or yohimbe, the bark, work well for erection rigidity. However, the benefit is limited to the time the yohimbine or yohimbe circulates in the body (12 to 20 hours), and on days without yohimbine or yohimbe, one pays for it with heavily reduced penis size. Yohimbine and yohimbe have plenty of other unwanted effects, so it's not really a solution.

Viagra can substantially help with erection ease and duration, but the effect is limited to a few hours, and one can't just go on taking Viagra every 6 hours or so. Cialis lasts longer, but for many men, the effect is weaker than the effect of Viagra.

Tongkat Ali is inferior to Viagra when the task is to produce an immediate erections, but with constant use, causes permanent increases in penis and testicle size. It does so by exerting a strong stimulation on testosterone-producing Leydig cells. By and large, the more active the Leydig cells, the larger the testicles and the penis (Leydig cell activity is what causes the increase in penis and testicle size in boys during puberty.)